Essay on attention

As a new mom, I believe the greatest gift we can offer our child is attention. Yes, in the sense of our attention, presence and care to them, but as a skill for them to develop.

The chaotic first weeks

The first few weeks after having a baby are chaotic. You suddenly find yourself with so little time for yourself, yet so little to do with your hands. Between contact naps and hours spent breastfeeding, you’re both super busy and having trouble finding something to do with all those hours spent on the couch looking at all the cleaning there is to do but cannot get to.

Your brain is also fuzzy, you have trouble concentrating on anything for more than a few minutes.

I tried picking up a book. Not super convenient when you’re holding your daughter when nursing. I tried writing with a little notebook. Same issue.

Also have to admit: Instagram was calling me. And all the text messages on Whats app. And all the emails in my very busy mom inbox.

So I found myself on my phone. A lot. More than I’ve ever been. My screen time is through the roof.

Through all that scrolling and thanks to a very sophisticated algorithm, I got fully blasted with all the conscious parenting advice, baby hacks and ways to develop the brain of my 8 weeks old child. She’s not even 2 months and I’m already behind because I didn’t spend the $500 on fancy wooden toys and her play gym.

The mom guilt is real. With so many methods out there, I felt the pressure to pick a lane and go for it. The consequences of not doing it are major: we’re talking about my child not having a well-developed brain. What if she doesn’t grow into her full potential?

The shift

I knew this was major. I was on the verge of subscribing to one of those delivery systems that would alleviate my new-mom guilt by sending in the proper toys so I could finally relax a bit.

Why? Because my brain couldn’t take it anymore. Sleep deprived, I couldn’t read another educational book or see another IG post.

So I turned it off for myself. I needed to consolidate my thoughts. I could see the impact of not having been able to attend at my own meditation practice. My attention was scattered. I was getting caught up in thought forms that weren’t mine, in spiraling non-realities.

I went for a walk with my daughter that night. This time, no podcast. We put on mantras and I sang to her, her warm body slowly relaxing against mine.

That’s when I realized that the biggest gift I could give her was to learn was to pay attention to her surroundings on a walk. Listen to the birds. Look at the flowers. Speak into the windows of the houses we went by to get interior design inspo. Just relax. Learn to be present.

Boredom as fuel for creativity

In this day and age where we’re constantly overstimulated, we’ve forgotten the value of being bored. In the last few days I’ve taken a step back from this hyper stimulation, I’ve been able to reflect on many things without forcing it. I’ve been more aware of the little miracles. I had the mental space to think about this blog post.

Our attention is the most precious currency right now. Everyone wants a piece of it. By protecting it, choosing carefully where we put it, using it with intention, we’re also reclaiming our right to be bored sometimes. And only from that space we’ve created first can we create. When our days are packed with work and our nights spent on our devices, there is no room for creativity.

That’s what we teach our children when we take a step back and learn to deal with the anxiety of doing nothing. We teach them they have the resources within to create, that their physical environment is already full of prompts to spark their creativity, that they can always look around and search within for new ways to express their unique self.

Learning to meditation young

So many of us had to go through major upheavals before figuring out how much meditation is an essential need. Instead of moving through burnout, anxiety and depression before getting there, we have the opportunity to teach our kids right away how to be in the moment.

This doesn’t happen only on a yoga mat with a soothing music playing in the background and a guiding voice to tell you to drop in. This happens on the daily, when waiting in line at the grocery store, while eating your sandwich at lunch, or when your mom is not ready to play with you yet because she’s brushing her teeth. We teach our kids to be ok with being still, to be patient, to feel good with themselves when we allow them those moments of looking around with no specific agenda.

Teach them young, they’ll thank you later.

Put your phone away

I believe it’s way more simple than your algorithm wants you to believe. You don’t need any of the expansive toys those supposedly minimalist methods want you to get. You don’t need to overthink and plan an elaborated agenda for your child to develop their brain starting at 3 weeks old. You don’t need to read all those books and watch the seminars and follow the courses of those children experts.

All you need to do as a parent is to put your phone away and pay attention to your child. Look at them in the eyes. Observe what they’re interested in. Tell them about what you’re doing. Ask them questions about the game they’re playing.

What you’re modeling will go a much longer way than any perfect combination of activities and games set in a perfect schedule for a perfect development. If you model how you choose with intention where you focus your attention, you’ll teach them to do the same. They’ll be in the power seat when they grow up to choose a higher frequency of thoughts and not get caught up into the algorithms. They’ll be able to make conscious choices on how they want to live, with their head, heart and soul aligned, because they will be able to sit still and get quiet enough to listen to their intuition. They’ll be able to choose to embrace their destiny over fate.

And that my friend is the greatest gift you can offer them.